In South Africa, where I come from, "sawubona" is the Zulu word for "hello." There's a
beautiful and powerful intention behind the word because "sawubona" literally translated
means, "I see you, and by seeing you, I bring you into being." So beautiful, imagine being
greeted like that. But what does it take in the way we see ourselves? Our thoughts, our
emotions and our stories that help us to thrive in an increasingly complex and fraught
world?
This crucial question has been at the center of my life's work. Because how we deal with
our inner world drives everything. Every aspects of how we love, how we live, how we
parent and how we lead. The conventional view of emotions as good or bad, positive
or negative, is ragid. And ragidity in the face of complexity is toxic. We need greater
levels of emotional agility for true resilience and thriving.
My journey with this calling began not in the hallowed halls of a university, but in the
messy, tender business of life. I grew up in the white suburbs of apartheid South Africa,
a country and commnunity commited to not seeing. To denial. It's denial that makes
50 years of racist legislation possible while people convince themselves that they are
doing nothing wrong. And yet, I first learned of the destructive power of denial at a
personal level, before I understood what it was doing to the country of my birth.
My father died on a Friday. He was 42 years old and I was 15. My mother whispered to
me to go and say goodbye to my father before I went to school. So I put my backpack
down and walked the passage that run through to where the heart of our home my father
lay dying of cancer. His eyes were closed, but he knew I was there. In his presence, I
had always felt seen. I told him I loved him, said goodbye and headed off for my day.
At school, I drifted from science to mathematics to history to biology, as my father
slipped from the world. From May to July to September to November, I went about with
my usual smile. I didn't drop a single grade. When asked how I was doing, I would shrug
and say, "OK." I was praised for being strong. I was the master of being OK.